Fashion when nobody’s watching

Due to all the demand (one comment) I thought I should refresh the blog.

As it was pointed out to me by many of you from YoD’s massive readership (one comment), do people REALLY want to see an infected zipper tattoo every time they look at the Year of Denim?

However, without the Year of Denim to give my shallow and empty life meaning and purpose I have nothing to say.

So I thought I’d show how bad fashion gets when there’s nobody watching…

No it's not Justin Bieber, just little me proving red and pink really stink even when there's booze to drink

So I got home from work, wet, cold, got changed, read the one hundreds of comment saying how I needed to update the blog and thought 2 things:

1. Show the seam marks embedded in my flesh from my too tight jeans (yes I wore jeans today)

2. It’s been confirmed by a professional (my physiotherapist) that I have no arse. Yes he really said that

From those 2 thoughts I then thought, nah, I’ll photograph what I’m wearing. My arse has now been deemed officially insignificant and will not be seen here again until it’s tattooed, or for some other really, really good reason.

Compare it to what I was wearing  a year ago… It’s hardly height of fashion!

Day 344: Thursday 8 April

Today marks a return to a less Mormon sense of style. It’s a bit more typical of a Year of Denim outfit, which I acknowledge, has not been too heavy on the dresses or skirts.

And I suppose there is a huge clamouring to know if I stayed IN the Mormon dress all day. The answer is no. The reason? In that dress I walked the dog down at the scenic and majestic Cook River, the Mississippi if the inner west, and yesterday was a dewy sort of a morning, and that dress is long, and that dress soaked up an awful lot of moisture across it’s bottom 2 inches.

It felt revolting having this damp denim slapping up against my ankles, however I persevered in wearing it. Then, in excellent housewife fashion, which you all have to admit I was dressed for yesterday, I cleaned the bathroom and kitchen IN THAT FROCK.

By the time I finished it stank and I stank. So I changed into another dress. Of course being idiotic I didn’t photograph the new frock, but let me say that it wasn’t so comfortable to wear either. It has 10 press studs down the front doing it up. Every time I sit down the bottom 3 studs pop open, with one stud over my muff being permanently open.

Even though I wasn’t comfortable in my Mormon dress yesterday you will be happy to know that I was no more comfortable in a dress I felt was more my style.

Here I am today,practically invisible…

Me and the milkcrates watch the weather

Top: Black denim vest, hand crafted

Bottom: Miss Sixty too tight muffin top jeans

Accessory 1: Off to the beach so a hat seems sensible

Accessory 2: American Airlines travel bag, denim

Day 233: Friday 18 December

I am such a whore.

Every week the YoD blog entry that is the most popular is the “Am I too fat for skinny jeans” entry in June, see it here…

More than half the weekly visits are to that day. So today I am chasing that readership.

In order to give the people who are into the whole chubby girl tight jeans thing what they need, I have worn the second tightest pair of jeans currently in YoD’s stock. The tightest pair are just too damn crushing for a day in the office, and not emotionally.

In order to give you some insight into the miracle of photography I am putting up 2 versions of today’s entry. There are 2 reasons for that. One is to show the tight jeans off to their best advantage.

The other is that earlier this week I received another awesome denim care package, and I want to display part of the contents here today. Yes, ANOTHER care package, unsolicited, from a person I have never met who has amazingly generously hand crafted a vest and a bag to assist in YoD’s final months of denim splendour.

Here’s one for the chubby chasers….

Gut busting over denim = plump magic

Compare and contrast with the proper pic for today’s blog…

Glamour pose cunningly conceals muffin

Top: The first of 2 new items to grace YoD’s pages, Asphalt band made in the USA shiny denim jacket

Bottom: Oh so tight Sportsgirl jeans, every breath is felt, every mouthful of food visible

Accessory 1: From the Lightfoot studio, amazing denim bag with nasty cat screen print. Oh so NOW

Accessory 2: Denim gym boots, yeah yeah, we’ve seen it all before

And just a quick reminder that YoD’s Xmas Xtravaganza launches this evening from 7pm, 28 Leofrene Ave, Marrickville.

You’ll know it when you see it, even in the rain…

Day 225: Thursday 10 December

YoD’s Gurn Week: Day 4

I’m off to Yum Cha today. However, for some foolish reason, rather than wearing the maternity jeans given to me with the statement “They are great for yum cha” I have gone for super snug fit jeans with bonus visible muffin because of a short shirt.

What a fool?!? Oh well. Maybe tight pants will halt the usual super gorge fest YoD revels in. Doubtful, but you never know.

In other news I am still furiously working on my very special Christmas light display. But shit keeps getting in the way. I’ll never get it done! Aaarrgghhh!

Pretty pre-yum-cha gurn posture

Top: VG Jeans prettily press studded ladies shirt, cos I’m a little bit cuntry and I’m a  little bit western

Bottom: Miss Sixty oh so tight shorty jeans with gut spill

Accessory: Itty bitty denim thongs

Gurn: It seems to me that I can’t gurn unless my eyes are rolled back in my head, so once again it’s zombie style. I’m calling it the Pretentious Zombie

Gurn + string art = zombie sophistication

Day 195: Tuesday 10 November

It’s a beautiful early morning. Still, clean, clear, sunny.

I wish I was going to the beach rather than work, because of course then I could wear my denim bikini rather than the full length office attire warm-enough-to-stop-frostbite-in-the-chill-of-air-conditioning outfit that I AM wearing.

Let me make a pre-emptive apology this morning to my work colleagues.

My apologies if you happen to catch a glimpse of my coin slot, or as I like to call it, the crack of intellect.

Today’s jeans ride low and the t-shirt tides a bit high. There could be glimpses and I don’t mean of the ocean. So sorry in advance, but what’s a girl to do? There are rules to this denim thing and I’m simply following them.

Still life with green curtain

Top: Not worn for a while Ladakh pin striped jacket. I just noticed there’s a staple keeping the label on. Classy

Bottom: Sportsgirl denim snugfit low riders. Crack alert

Accessory: Denim shoulder bag with fluoro decals, carrying my tax

 

 

Day 171: Saturday 17 October

Yesterday was gardening, today is cleaning. A woman’s work is seriously NEVER done! I hate cleaning as you can tell from today’s picture. Oh well, better get on with it. The house won’t clean itself, as I well know. It’s still covered in red dust from the storm weeks ago.

Uggh.

Tribal knick knacks get a light dusting

Top: MSK denim vest, good work wear

Bottom: Miss Sixty super snug three quarter jeans

Aceessory: Denim Birkies

Day 145: Monday 21 September, 2009

I just realised that last week I didn’t buy a single piece of denim. Not one, not any.

That’s going cold turkey. I ALMOST bought this incredible fashion fusion of waistcoat, dungaree and shrug, but thought it was way too small. By the time I was convinced bymy fashion advisers that I HAD to get it, the item had walked out of  the local St Vincent de Pauls. Obviously too fashionable…

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

Here’s today’s do-up…

Early morning surliness

Top: Ladakh pin striped denim jacket

Bottom: Industrie stove pipes

Accessory 1: Mavi dnim bag

Accessory 2: Denim gym boots

Day 142: Friday 18 September

Aaarrrgghhh! Denim dreams in my head! I dreamt I was doing some kind of ‘Denim for Charity’ event. In the dream I waltzed into a bar to meet a very old friend singing some kind of stupid made up denim related lyrics to the tune of ‘New York, New York’. Of course everyone turned around to stare and I was incredibly embarrassed. And then somebody STOLE my charitable earnings, leaving behind a nasty chalk board message about how stupid the Year of Denim was/is.

Then suddenly I was making an art work with HRH. We were covering some kind of fridge/ bbq/ chicken hutch in wierd purple/ blue goo that we had to combine with some other sparkley goo to  make it set

Phew, I’m exhausted now.

Three shades of denim = a casual combo

Top 1: Mid blue denim from the famous fashion house Fletcher Jeans

Top 2: Streeetch dark denim shirt. Very snug and a little short in the body. Stay tuned for stomach flashing

Bottom: Beautiful & Damned pale blue denims, a bit big n bulky where you don’t want it to be

Accessory: Dragstar pale blue denim bag, two days in a row, which is slack of me

Mid- morning update

The flares are so flarey that I swish as I walk. The sound is quite different to the corduroyphhtt phhtt. It is most definitely a swishy sort of  sound

Day 140: Wednesday 16 September

I’m a little blurry this morning, and it’s not because the photographer has shaky hands. My blurriness is the self induced kind, brought on by drinking beer then sangria and THEN vodka. I also think eating copious amounts of meat on a stick has something to do with me feeling off colour.

See for yourself…

Man shows off his meat on a stick

I cannot believe I was eating that very same meat on a stick last night. It looks revolting, although the man does seem quite proud of his meat.

So that brings me to now. I have been down walking the dog in a place known as The Wildside. And it is wild. This morning we saw a kingfisher, along with a large number of cormorants airing their wings, loads of swallows, doves, magpies and fish. Who’d have though the toxic drain that is the Cook River could support all that birdlife?

Girl and dog modelling against a mangrove backdrop, close to Sydney's CBD

Top: I love this Dragstar vest, and wish I didn’t have to give it back at the end of The Year of Denim

Bottom: Ben Sherman jeans, somewhat snugger than the last time I wore them. Is it because they are freshly washed or I’m freshly fatter?

Accessory 1: Mavi denim bag, small but just the right size

Accessory 2: Denim Birkenstocks. I feel a bout of vegetarianism coming on after all that meat and Birkies are one of the ways to spot a vegetarian

Day 139: Tuesday 15 September

It was kind of balmy when I left home early yesterday morning, so I had on a short sleeve shirt. By mid morning it was freezing and I had to, yes HAD to go into Surry Hills’ most excellent St Vinnies, and I had to, yes HAD to, buy a denim jacket to keep me cosy.

Four weeks ago I tried on the same jacket and decided it was too tight and sausagey. However a comment on Sunday’s blog about the super tight denim shrug I was wearing on Saturday night  has turned my mind around.

Personally I love fat chicks in tight clothes. So today I am embracing the fat chick in me and outside of me (where most of the fat resides) and going for the super snug, fat arm, big boob, waist-that-goes-out-instead-of-in look that was disparaged in a comment a couple of days ago…

Denim modelling in front of winter frangipani

Top: Fresh from the racks of St Vincent de Pauls, Blockout stretch denim snugly jacket. Check the waist, boob and arm bulges. Nice!

Bottom: Dragstar denim high waisted flares. Unseen is undone top button. Big gut, can’t do up

Accessory 1: Same denim bag as yesterday. It matches cos the jacket has red stitching

Accessory 2: Denim gym boots, cunningly concealed by super flares